More Apologies

I owe apologies to Brett Favre, Jamal Lewis, Matt Stover, Torry Holt, Clinton Portis, Brandon Stokley, Jason Witten, and Michael Vick. If any of you guys are reading, I am so sorry. I cannot adequately express the infinite sorrow and guilt I feel because of the horrible thing I did to all of you.

You see, I chose each of you to be on my fantasy football team. I know, I know. That was extraordinarily selfish of me. I knew what was going to happen. I knew that as soon as you were on my fantasy football team, you were going to suck. I knew that the career of anybody who ended up on my team would be, for all practical purposes, over. I knew that, and yet, I drafted you all anyway. I knew that I was including you in the Pierce curse. I knew that as soon as your stats mattered in my life, the curse that I live under with would somehow affect you and overwhelm you and ruin those stats that are your very livelihood. And yet, I blindly, selfishly persuaded myself that this wouldn't happen again. Of course, I was wrong. You all sucked in your football games this weekend, and it was my fault. You all sucked because I suck and because I, in all my suckiness, chose to connect your lives to mine, knowing that doing so would destroy you.

I'm sorry. That's all I can do, just say I'm sorry. I can't get rid of you. It's too late. We're stuck in this together. But at least you can take some solace in the fact that your pathetic play, of course caused by me, will sink my whole fantasy football season. At least know that. You are getting your revenge.