I hate commercials.

I hate commercials. They're stupid. They make me mad. And in-articulate.

I can only think of one series of commercials on TV that I like at all at the moment (the Geico celebrity commercials), and I wouldn't buy the product they're selling (because it's a rip-off).

So, I've decided to boycott the following companies, at least for the next several months (until either newer and better commercials are unveiled or (even better) the companies decide to stop advertising at all), because I have to keep my remote control in my lap because I involuntarily cringe and grit my teeth whenever I hear one of these commercials coming on and I have to press mute to protect myself. I cannot afford emergency room or dentist bills.

Anyway, do join me, if you will, in boycotting these stupid companies.

1. Starbucks - I hate military-like chanting, particularly if it's subject is stupid and cheesy and about having success in the corporate world. The dancing is worse than in the Westside Story, too. The "Glen" commercial (sung to "Eye of the Tiger") was annoying, too.

2. Burger King - The "Big Huckin' (or "Buckin'" or "Something Else"--there is much debate evidently) Chicken" commercial is one of the worst and most unbearable commercials of all time. I'm not sure exactly what audience they were trying to attract, but I definitely wasn't part of it. The other commercial they have, about the fellow turning into a chicken, is horrible, too.



3. Stacker II - Hopefully, you haven't seen this commercial. I only see it on ESPN. It's the one about the military wife who once was fat but now is not, and she was really embarassed when her husband lost weight and made a commercial about it, and so when he went to Iraq, she lost a lot of weight on Stacker II. The worst part is when she says she now has energy, and the husband looks her up and down, as though he were about to rape her, and says that now she's going to need that energy now that he's home. This is my least favorite commercial ever.

4. PetMeds - That lady is way too perky. I don't like her.

5. Army - Even if I weren't a pacifist, I wouldn't join the army because of their stupid commercials. They all seem to feature a guy coming back to see his friends, and they end with the soldier guy looking through all of his friends, giving them a smug look that so clearly means, "You guys are all such losers." I don't like that.

6. Kay Jewelers - "Every kiss begins with 'Kay.'" - That has to be just about the worst slogan ever. Buy her jewelry, and you may get some.