Arch Enemy #7 - Lou Dobbs

Lou Dobbs annoys me.

Partly, it's his politics. I think he goes way too far on the immigration issue, approaching fairly closely to bigotry as he tries to blame illegal immigrants for America's economic woes. And I think he's too much of a cynic (not just a skeptic) when it comes to politicians. Plus, he's one of those journalists who proves himself ignorant any time a religious topic comes up.

Still, that's not the main reason he's on the list. There are plenty of people with whom I disagree more vociferously on politics who will never make this list.

No, what bothers me is his makeup. This guy has a really, really large face, and he wears more makeup on it than anyone else on tv. Just look someday. He's worse than Mimi on the Drew Carey show. And she, at least, was trying to look like a clown.

I'm not a big fan of makeup on women. Believe me, I'd especially not like to see it anymore on Lou Dobbs.

Arch Enemy #6 - Jared Fogle

I had retired the "Arch Enemy" series on my blog. My last such post was two years ago. I just felt like a meany whenever I added another enemy to the list.

But I saw one-too-many Jared commercials this weekend. I've hated Jared for a while now, and really, who hasn't? This is justified.

His story was worth one commercial, maybe two. His personality suggests just the one. Definitely not eight years' worth.

I'm glad he lost all that weight. I've just begun now to wish he'd keep going with it, losing down until he disappears.

Either that, or I wish a bus would hit him or something.

Arch Enemy #5 – The People Who Made the Bic “Twin Select Silky Touch Disposable Razors for Women”

The other day, I couldn’t find my razor. I’d gone home for Easter, and I’d packed in a plastic bag, and when I got back here, I couldn’t find the plastic bag anywhere (though I found it today) because it blended in with all of the other plastic bags laying around the house (which I cleaned up today).

Anyway, it was a problem that I couldn’t find my razor because I was getting ready to go to a wedding, and I needed to shave, and I was running late, and I didn’t have time to look for my razor. So, I looked through my sister’s stuff (she was in Menard), and I found a package of disposable plastic razors for women. So I used that.

I didn’t have to shave much. I recently had a haircut, so the back of my neck wasn’t very bad. And now that I have a full beard, I only have to shave the lower part of my neck in the front, and it had only been a day or two since I had shaved that.

I didn’t matter though. That stupid little pink plastic razor just wouldn’t do it! It basically took one stroke per whisker. If I wanted to shave one square inch of my neck, it would take, quite literally, twenty five strokes or so to clear the space off.

The thing I particularly couldn’t understand is that most of this razor wasn’t razor. If you looked at the head of the razor, more space was taken up by a lotioned (or something) cushion than by the tiny, tiny weak blade. If you didn’t hold the razor at just the right angle, you were just rubbing this soft pad on your neck.

I went through two of these razors to shave half of my neck.

They just don’t make women’s disposable razors like they used to.

Arch Enemy #4 - Rafael Furcal

This bastard above--Rafael Furcal--is currently the second baseman for the Los Angeles Dodgers. And do you know what he did? He ran into Derrek Lee while Lee was covering first base. And who is Derrek Lee? He is my hero. He's the Chicaco Cubs's best player. He was the hope this year. I say "was" because when Furcal ran into Lee at first, it broke two bones in his hand. Lee is out for two months. The Cubs are basically out for the season.

Sure, it wasn't intentional. Furcal didn't mean to break Lee's hand, and he had to get to the base, and he didn't push Lee or anything. And look at his picture. He's obviously a very holy man. Sort of. He committed the unforgivable sin (if I were God at least, this would be one of them--it's likely a pretty good thing that I'm not God though). He ruined the Cubs' season, the ninety-eighth time in a row that that has happened. After that long, I'm allowed to be bitter.

Of course, this also messed up one of my fantasy teams (fittingly named Boethius).

So, Furcal is #4 on the list of arch enemies.

[This is where I need some sort of catchy threat line that won't get me arrested and sent to Gitmo. Unfortunately, as this entire blog will attest, I'm pretty dull and lazy and am lacking creative bones (much less a creative neurological something or other). So if you have any suggestions, let me know.]

Arch Enemy #3 - Tom Delay

This one's sort of a no-brainer. This dude's even more evil than Tony (see Arch Enemy #2). Still, Molly Ivins does an awfully nice job of explaining why he's on the list.

A Tough Guy Just Bearing His Cross?

Arch Enemy #2 - Tony

For further explanation, see yesterday's post--Reminder #22.

Arch Enemy #1 – Nancy Grace

I’ve been needing to start an enemy list for quite a while. Because I have quite a few of them, and if they ever happen upon my blog, they will want to know it.

Not that I’m much of anybody to fear. A pacifist who can barely bench a hundred-fifty pounds (if that) from Menard, TX with a small space staked out on the edge of the blogosphere. I’m not a person to fear just a whole lot.

So there’s no really good reason to make an enemy list. But I’m starting one anyway.

By the way, the order of the enemy list really means nothing. It’s not as though enemy number one is the worst enemy. Enemy number one just means that on the day I started the list, this person was the enemy I was ticked off at.

So, for those of you who did not read the title of the blog or look at the picture below, the first person to be named by me an official enemy on my blog:

Nancy Grace

Nancy Grace hosts the show Justice Hour on CNN Headline News. CNN needed an ignorant blowhard a while back to compete with Bill O’Reilly for rating. So, they chose Nancy Grace. I picked up that she was a moron whose show I would not be watching immediately. Unfortunately, during the last week, I’ve had the misfortune to watch her show because she was covering a subject I was interested in.

My church.

Nancy Grace, whose show tends to exploit tragedies (usually murders) for all their worth, has been covering the murder of Matthew Winkler, a Church of Christ preacher from Selmer, TN. She was ignorant about what the Church of Christ was, so she brought on an “expert” on the Church of Christ, a fellow who was not a member of the Church of Christ and who evidently has a problem with us.

Here’s a part of the transcript from the Monday show:

TRANSCRIPT:
NANCY GRACE: A well-respected and much beloved minister in the Church of Christ, Selmer, Tennessee, gunned down in his own home. His wife, according to many reports, has confessed to police. They say whodunnit is not the issue, it`s why she did it. That is the question.
I want to go to pastor Tom Rukala, joining us tonight, a special guest, a Baptist minister. I`ve been researching the Church of Christ. I don`t know that much about it. What can you tell me?
PASTOR TOM RUKALA, BAPTIST PASTOR: Well, the Church of Christ is a relatively new church. It was started about 150 years ago by Alexander Campbell (ph). And it`s, unfortunately, a very legalistic sect, and they tend to use methods of intimidation and pressure tactics. They claim that they are the only ones going to heaven, and all other people are condemned to hell. So in case…
GRACE: Uh-oh, I`m in trouble. But I already knew that.
(LAUGHTER)
GRACE: Now, wait a minute. What more can you tell me?
RUKALA: Well, they claim that if you`re not baptized by one of their ministers, that you`re doomed to hell, even if you`re a believer in Jesus Christ, which, of course, breaks completely from the traditional Christian view that all those who call upon the name of the Lord Jesus Christ will be saved because we`re saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, who died for our sins and rose again. For the Church of Christ folks, that`s not enough. You have to be a member of their narrow sect. It`s a very exclusive group. And if you`re not a member of their sect, you`re condemned.
GRACE: You know, Pastor, you keep saying “sect.” “Sect.” You make it sound like a cult.
RUKALA: It kind of is a borderline cult, unfortunately. I don`t want to make it out to be some kind of Hare Krishna group, but it has cult-like characteristics and…
GRACE: In what sense?
RUKALA: Well, in the sense of the exclusivism, the attitude that they are the only ones who know the truth. The tactics that they use are sometimes just — not only un-biblical but unethical, and they can be very ungracious, unfortunately.

Then, she continued this line of questioning Wednesday night with Rubel Shelly (an extremely respected theologian from the Churches of Christ). I won’t subject you to all of that transcript since it was conveniently typed in a way that doesn’t demonstrate just how often in the forty-five seconds he was on that she interrupted him. The gist of the interview was this. She asked Dr. Shelly if the Church of Christ was a cult:

GRACE: “Is the Church of Christ a cult? Is it cult-like? Did that play into this murder in any way? With us, Dr. Ruble Shelly [sic], professor of philosophy and religion at Rochester College. He`s a Church of Christ minister. He knows the Winkler family. Let`s take a look. Single leader, cult-like qualities, trying to isolate members, members happy and enthusiastic -- I don`t think that`s a bad thing -- experimental rather than logical, hide what they teach, say they`re the only true group. Dr. Shelly, response?”

When he answered no, she seemed dissatisfied and hurriedly switched topics to role of women in the Church of Christ. Since the Churches of Christ run by local church autonomy, there is a variety of ways the Church handles that particular topic. When he tried to answer, she cut him off. Then, she asked if the Church of Christ thought Muslims and Jews will go to heaven? She wanted a yes or no answer, though it’s not a yes or no answer? Dr. Shelly refused the simple answer and said, “I believe that Jews and Muslims are to be shared the gospel of Christ. Now, that`s a much larger issue.” Grace said, “Gotcha, OK. All right. I get it.” They then knocked Dr. Shelley off the air, so that she could get the response to Dr. Shelley from Deepak Chopra: “I can`t help but think that religion has become divisive, quarrelsome, and sometimes even idiotic. I think it`s based on very tribal views that go back to an ancient past. And perhaps we should see a future where religion has no relevance anymore…” Shelly never got to respond to anything else. He was on the show, it seemed, for little over a minute. Later in the show, she asked another guest if the Church of Christ was a cult.


So anyway, I can’t really begin to express how many things were wrong with this. Nancy Grace wanted desperately to label the Church of Christ as a cult so as to make better tv. So, she belittled Dr. Shelly (and misspelled his name and called him a psychologist) and wouldn’t let him answer her questions. She then cut him off the air and turned to another guest so that they could attack Dr. Shelly. She then went on as though nothing had happened to the rest of her ridiculous show.

The lack of journalistic integrity was appalling to me.

More saddening is how much the Church of Christ has worked to change in the last thirty years so that they’re not exclusivist and legalistic. Then, comes along Nancy Grace to tell everybody that we’re a cult.

So, Nancy grace earned my first email to complain to a tv show.

And she’s the number one arch enemy.